


I will stand here and burn in my skin

by biblionerd07



Series: Acre of Land [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: A little angst, Domestic, Established Relationship, Fluff, Future Fic, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker, Post-Canon, Sunburns, Swimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-10
Updated: 2014-06-10
Packaged: 2018-02-04 03:08:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1763715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biblionerd07/pseuds/biblionerd07
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Sam need to teach Cas to swim, but Dean ends up getting pretty badly sunburned.  Here be fluff, the boys splashing around, some angst, Cas rubbing aloe on Dean's sunburn, and an underwater make-out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I will stand here and burn in my skin

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally supposed to be super duper fluffy. Like strictly fluff. But then some angst appeared and...well. I hope it is still appropriately fluffy for everyone's liking. The title comes from the Ray LaMontagne song "Burn."

Cas needs to learn to swim. Well, no, actually—Cas knows how to swim. Cas needs to learn how to swim in a body that needs to breathe. They'd found a mermaid, had been looking around in the water, and Cas had stayed under a long time. Dean had joked about it, sort of, the way he jokes when he's nervous about something, but then Cas had popped up out of the water, eyes bulging with panic. His body had freaked out.

So now Dean and Sam are leading Cas down a dirt path that stretches behind the bunker to a lake. Maybe it's a pond. (Sam insists it's a pond. A lake would be marked on a map, apparently.) The sun is high and bright and Dean is whistling. He's got Sam, healthy and smiling. He's got Cas, staying. Sleeping in his bed every night, his nose rubbing along Dean's ear and his breath heating Dean's jaw. Among other body parts. The sex is nice but, Dean will never admit out loud (Cas already knows, somehow), the cuddling is really the best part. Waking up to Cas's wretched morning breath. Tangling their legs together and rubbing a foot up Cas's calf until Cas grumbles against him about trying to sleep.

So yeah, Dean is whistling. Sam keeps exclaiming things about "running this trail" and "hill work" and it all sounds very ominous to Dean, even though Sam knows better than to even ask for a running buddy. But then Cas says, "I think I'd like to try running, maybe", in this sort of tentative voice, and Sam goes all excited-puppy and Dean just smiles to himself because life is so good. They find the pond and Cas looks dubiously at the murky water.

"Is this sanitary?" He asks with narrowed eyes, like he thinks Dean's goal here is to give him some weird water-borne bacteria that will make him poop out his intestines or something.

"Who knows?" Dean shrugs. "We've probably been in worse." And then Cas is muttering things like "sanitation" and "whole civilizations have fallen" and "I just got over being sick." Dean snorts at the last one, because Cas had gotten a slight cold that had lasted about two and a half days, but he still talks about it like it was life-threatening, and whenever Dean tries to say a sore throat never killed anyone, Sam butts in with gross WebMD printouts that Cas smirks at.

Nevertheless, Cas shucks his shirt when Dean does and wades in, not mimicking Dean's (manly) yelp at the temperature of the water. He weathers orders like a good soldier, even when Dean's just being bossy instead of helpful.

"Stick your head under and blow raspberries." Dean instructs. Cas frowns, obviously not thrilled about sticking his head in the scummy pond water, but he does it.

"Are you amused?" He asks, clearly not amused himself, when he reemerges barely two seconds later.

"Hey, I'm not just screwing with you." Dean shoots back defensively.

"Really." Cas is glaring now, obviously remembering vividly the time Dean had told him a customary greeting in rural Kansas was to stick your tongue out at someone and Cas had almost gotten in a fight with some burly dude whose wife had just been _shocked and appalled_ by Cas's behavior.

"Actually, Cas, I remember that one from swimming lessons." Sam says, sounding almost apologetic, like revealing that Dean's not as much of a jerk as Cas thought is something to apologize for.

"You took swimming lessons?" Cas asks, and it's a very valid question, considering their upbringing.

"Yeah, Bobby signed me up for some two-week summer camp class at the community center when I was six." Sam says with a little laugh.

"Did you take swimming lessons?" Cas asks Dean, face scrunched a little as he anticipates the answer.

"Just one." Dean says flippantly. "Dad threw me in a lake when I was five and told me if I didn't want to drown I'd better figure it out."

"That's why you told Bobby to put me in the class." Sam looks guilty but Dean shrugs it all off.

"You already know how to swim." He points out, changing the subject. "Your real problem is holding your breath."

"This body does not like its air being restricted." Cas sounds a little petulant, like his body's so unreasonable and should just suck it up and deal, and it makes Dean laugh a little. He's struck by the urge to kiss Cas's nose because he's just so adorable and then he wants to punch himself in the face because _seriously_?

"Well, yeah." Dean covers up his girly thoughts with a little cough. "Bodies like to breathe."

"I don't understand why evolution hasn't made you amphibious if you spend so much time in water." Cas gripes.

"I guess evolution's a dick." Dean answers cheerfully. "So here we are."

"Us, Cas." Sam says. They turn to look at him, take in the little crease between his eyebrows that's been broadcasting his internal struggles since he was born. "You said you. But you're human now, too."

Cas's face falls a little and Dean wants to kick Sam. He'd noticed it, too, but Cas doesn't like to be reminded about his slip-ups if it's not a big deal. "Right." Cas murmurs. "Us. Sorry."

"Hey, man, no big." Dean says. "Everyone here's been something not quite human at one point or another." And Cas gives him this look, like maybe this is his version of feeling like he wants to kiss Dean's nose, and they just look at one another for a minute, silent insecurities and reassurances flowing both ways, until Sam clears his throat and all three of them laugh a little because some things never change.

They keep practicing, and the practicing turns light-hearted because really Cas just needs to get used to holding his breath under water, so they try to remember games they played as kids the few times they ever went swimming--handstand contests and races, and Sam brings up "tea parties" that he learned at someone's birthday party in middle school, and Dean makes fun of him for it, and Cas asks, puzzled, how they're supposed to drink tea underwater, and then his adorably quirked eyebrow gives Dean an idea and he pulls Cas under and finds his lips in the dark murky water. Cas is pretty enthusiastic about that lesson, apparently no longer concerned with possible aqua-pathogens, but Sam gets all annoyed and kicks the grime at the bottom around at them so they quit. Dean laments the lack of a place to do cannonballs, and they scope out places they can put in a rope swing, and then Dean's stomach growls loud enough for them to realize they've been out there for almost four hours and they're all starving.  
The fluorescent lights in the bunker's kitchen reveals their foolishness in the angry red skin of their backs, chests, and shoulders.

"I knew that water was unsanitary." Cas glares accusingly and Dean rolls his eyes.

"It's a sunburn, Cas." He says. "It's not Ebola." Dean is the worst of the three; his skin is fairer, and the ginger tint in his facial hair gives him a certain kinship with redheads that he feels extra when it comes to freckles and sunburn.

"Do we have any aloe?" Sam asks. Dean shrugs. "I'll run to the drugstore for some." Sam's eyeing Dean's shoulders warily and Dean can practically hear his computer brain whirring, considering skin cancer and all that.

"Eat lunch first." Dean insists, and he makes them all burgers to go with their lake (pond, whatever)-day motif. He tries to act like the burns aren't so bad—Cas and Sam are mostly fine, skin just a little warm and tight and they only wince if something presses onto them hard. But despite his act, Dean's a little bit in agony. He put his shirt back on, because he doesn't want them to know he's such a wuss, but he's pretty sure he can feel every single thread in his shirt rubbing against his skin. Raising his arms pulls at the skin and makes him want to grimace, but he won't let himself do it.  
  
Even still, Sammy heads out to get the aloe, saying he's out of facial moisturizer anyway, and Dean scoffs and calls him Samantha. The door closes and Cas looks at Dean shrewdly for a minute. He nods once to himself and then closes the space between them, tugging at Dean's shirt.

"Jeez, Cas, you were just dying to get Sammy outta here, huh?" Dean laughs but part of him also sighs, because as much as he loves Cas's body, he thinks of all the places their skin will touch and how much it will hurt. Cas rolls his eyes.

"I am not attempting to have sex with you." He protests. "Your shirt is irritating your sunburn."

"Cas, I'm fine," Dean says even as he sighs a little at the relief of getting that shirt off. Cas raises an eyebrow.

"There's no reason to keep a shirt on when it's hurting you." Cas keeps his hands at Dean's hips, not on his shoulders like he'd usually do. "Not at home."

Dean's voice sticks in his throat a little the way it always does when Cas calls the bunker home—when Cas calls _Dean_ home. There's mischief in Cas's eyes and Dean realizes Cas is exploiting him, had known saying the magic H word would kill Dean's protests, and he huffs.

"You just want to check out my bod." He murmurs, grinning.

"Yes." Cas admits, unabashed, and Dean laughs and kisses him because what else can he possibly do?

Sam gets back with the aloe about an hour later, and they take turns slathering it onto their skin. Dean doesn't hide his sigh of relief, not now that the cat's out of the bag about how uncomfortable he is. Sam puts the aloe in the fridge, saying it'll feel even better cold, and Dean feels supremely grateful for such a genius little brother.

Later that night, when his skin's getting tight again, after the dinner dishes have been washed and put away and they've gone through their nighttime routines and Cas has finally finished his damn flossing regiment—seriously, it takes him like an hour and Dean doesn't get it because they all have the same number of teeth—Cas pulls the aloe from the fridge and brings it into their bedroom.

"Lie down on your stomach." He orders, and Dean reminds his body this is not what it usually is. His body doesn't seem to care what he has to say, especially once Cas climbs right up and straddles his hips. Dean makes a strangled little noise and Cas swats the back of his head lightly.

"Behave." He says, mock-stern, and his teasing really isn't helping any because nothing gets him like Cas joking around and being playful. And then Cas is spreading the cold aloe around on Dean's poor skin, and it feels so good he could cry. Cas is very thorough, like always, and then he blows lightly on the skin to dry the aloe and gets up, saying, "Roll over." Dean does, and then Cas resumes the same position and Dean thinks, well, sunburn be damned, because he's got a lap full of Cas. But Cas isn't playful anymore, and he's not giving Dean that dark stare that means they're in business; instead he looks thoughtful.

"Is that really how you learned to swim?" Cas asks. Dean has to squint in thought for a second, trying to figure out what Cas is saying, and then he remembers mentioning John tossing him in the lake.

"What, sink or swim?" He shrugs. "Yeah." Cas is quiet for a minute, paying special attention to Dean's freckled shoulders.

"You must have been afraid." Cas murmurs. There's an emotion on his face Dean can't quite read.

"Well, yeah, Cas. I was five. I was still afraid my stuffed animals were going to come alive and leave."

There's another beat of silence where Cas's cool hands soothe Dean's skin and Dean watches Cas chew at his lip.

"I find myself feeling very angry." Cas finally admits, hands stilling. One rests over Dean's heart and the other goes to Dean's shoulder, where his handprint used to be.  
  
"About what?" Dean asks, a little confused about the subject change.

"I...I know it's already happened. But I feel I wish I could go back to when you were a child."

"You're angry about what my dad did?" Realization dawns on Dean.

"About many things your father did." Cas amends. "You were just a child. And you must've been such an exquisite child, Dean, I know it. You shouldered such a large burden and the only thanks you got from him was to be taken for granted and mistreated." Cas lowers his forehead to rest against Dean's, nuzzles their noses together with his eyes closed. "I know your father tried to do what he thought was best for you. I wouldn't change who you are, and I understand all your experiences have shaped you. But I wish you could have felt more loved."

Dean's eyes are stinging as much as his skin. His throat is tight. Everything Cas said is something Dean's thought and then felt guilty for thinking. But somehow Cas saying it makes it okay for Dean to feel.

"I feel pretty loved now." He says, ignoring how thick his voice is and how sappy he's being. Cas's words are bouncing around in his brain and Cas's hands are cool against his burnt skin and Cas's breath is warm against his cheek and their hearts are beating at the same pace and he feels so overwhelmed. Cas pulls back and gently kisses both of Dean's eyelids, the tip of his nose, his forehead right between his eyes, and finally his lips, a soft little press that makes Dean feel dizzy.

"You are." Cas whispers, and he snuggles down against Dean's side, not draped over him like usual because of his skin but still holding his hand.

"I'm sorry you got burnt by helping me." Cas says, too solemnly to mean just this afternoon, and Dean thinks of the weight of those words and thinks of all the times he and Cas chased one another and caught one another and hurt one another. Then he thinks about the handprint that was burned into his shoulder, how Cas pulled him from hell, and thinks of a brothel they got run out of, thinks of late night phone calls where Dean fell asleep and Cas didn't hang up, thinks of Cas finding him when he was a demon and telling him sternly that it was time to go home and let Sam cure him, thinks of Cas's waning grace burning him out and Cas choosing to be human again and stay with Dean instead of regaining his grace.

He thinks of Cas's grumpy face and the way he agonizes over which ice cream flavor to get, the way he's stubborn and the way he cradles Dean's head in his lap and run his fingers through Dean's hair when they're watching a movie. He thinks of Cas and Sam laughing together, heads bent over a book in the library, and he thinks about the three of them swimming and splashing today. He thinks about Cas telling him he must've been an exquisite child and wanting to protect him.

Dean raises Cas's hand and kisses his knuckles, each one individually so he'll have time to gather himself.

"It's okay." He finally says softly. "I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. A million times." They fall asleep together, worn out from a day of family fun, holding hands and breathing at the same slow, comfortable pace, and Dean has never enjoyed a sunburn until today.


End file.
